[ he really, really wants to be comforted. but, when eye contact is made there's a thick knot of shame in his stomach and they dart away. two steps forward, ten back, huh? ]
It's not-- Hn... I told the Tenth that the world he wants to return to isn't good enough, after he's worked so damn hard to save it-- It's where he feels safe, and I--
[ he swallows, digging nails into the leather of the chair. ]
I saw. [coming around to face the front of the chair, he drops to his knees before hayato. finding his hands, glad that it's the leather chair and not his own palms he's abusing, takeshi threads their fingers together.]
Dont think you insulted him though. I'm sure Tsuna doesn't think so either. Mostly, he's just confused, cause he doesn't get it. Most people don't, in the beginning. You know that.
You and I though...[squeezing lightly, reassuringly, he brings one of hayato's hands to his lips, whispers kisses over each of his knuckles] we've been here a long time now. It changes things.
[ he wants to say something else self-defeating. he wants to insult himself and let takeshi know how much of an awful person he is, let himself know how much of an awful person he is and how he doesn't deserve the life he's been given, but a beat passes and he deflates with a sigh. ]
You're too damn good at your role.
[ the tranquil rain that washes away everything. ]
[he knows hayato, knows no one is as hard on him as he is on himself. and the way takeshi figured it, life had to be hard if someone was putting you down every single day, so it was on him to counteract that. ]
I gotta be, when it matters. And you matter, caro. You always matter.
[ again, he wants to protest. but, he makes sense. even without using his flames, takeshi is built to calm and diffuse and knows what to say in any situation. there's another sigh, and he lets himself slide off of the chair, onto the ground and nearly into yamamoto's lap.
[takeshi simply gathers him up into his lap, tucks his head under his chin and wraps his arms around hayato securely, offering him every measure of comfort he can in a hug as he whispers i love yous in every language he knows.]
[ he's safe and he's warm like this and the sweet nothings of love only combine to reminding him how badly he doesn't want to leave this place. he doesn't want to forget and go back to not understanding what it feels like to love someone or to what kissing feels like or what it feels like to have part of someone's soul so completely embedded into your own. it stings, being reminded of what he has here and what the tenth wants him to go back to. ]
I don't want--
[ he cuts himself off, swallows, and tries again. ]
I don't think the choice is always up to us... [takeshi pets and traces small, random patterns over the backs of hayato's hand, his voice gentle] but as long as it is, I'm not either.
[ he lets himself be held, for now. lets takeshi be tranquil and say nice, calm things. lets him pet and trace and soothe. eventually, though, because no matter how traquil takeshi is he can't stop hayato's mind from going into overdrive, his brain wanders and he finds himself brushing a hand through takeshi's hair. ]
Oh I see. Only love me for my looks, huh? [with another laugh he lets his arms loop loosely around hayato and runs his palms up and down his back. he smiles into the kiss.]
Don't worry, I wouldn't tell. Come on, try it. You can always grow it back with your flames if it gets too short. [he thinks it's only fair, after all, you let him holes in your body]
Haha, fine. I just offered cause it's handy. [little box in his pocket, after all. didn't even require moving from their spot on the floor.] Though I guess you could probably use your flames too, huh?
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It's not-- Hn... I told the Tenth that the world he wants to return to isn't good enough, after he's worked so damn hard to save it-- It's where he feels safe, and I--
[ he swallows, digging nails into the leather of the chair. ]
Insulted him.
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Dont think you insulted him though. I'm sure Tsuna doesn't think so either. Mostly, he's just confused, cause he doesn't get it. Most people don't, in the beginning. You know that.
You and I though...[squeezing lightly, reassuringly, he brings one of hayato's hands to his lips, whispers kisses over each of his knuckles] we've been here a long time now. It changes things.
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You're too damn good at your role.
[ the tranquil rain that washes away everything. ]
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I gotta be, when it matters. And you matter, caro. You always matter.
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he'll take that hug, now. ]
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I don't want--
[ he cuts himself off, swallows, and tries again. ]
...
I'm not leaving.
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It's getting too long.
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I can grab one of my wakizashi if you want to go at it.
[his thumb brushes the line of a sharp cheekbone, cups his face] I trust you.
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Haha, why not?
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[ he closes the space between their faces with a chaste kiss, punctuating his words. ]
And I'm not dealing with your angry clients.
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Don't worry, I wouldn't tell. Come on, try it. You can always grow it back with your flames if it gets too short. [he thinks it's only fair, after all, you let him holes in your body]
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Ugh-- I'm not doing it with a sword if I am!
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